Thinking of you always

Hi Jack & Charlie.  You might have noticed that sometimes I write more frequently than others.  The truth is that sometimes it hurts too much to even write.  Every single time I sit down to try to talk with you through this blog I cry.  I miss you both so very much.  I can't even begin to describe it.  Someday when you have grandsons and granddaughters of your own you will surely understand.  Just because I don't write you everyday doesn't mean that I don't think about you every single day of my life.  I miss you and my soul aches to be with you again.  I love you Jack & Charlie.

Charlie Bear

Hi Charlie!  Last night a friend of mine sent me a picture of you that your mom had posted on Instagram.  You were in your Annunciation sweater and ready for the Baccalaureate Mass.  I'm not sure what that is, but you looked so grown up and handsome.  I cried when I saw your picture.  I consume myself with work and as the days and weeks go on I feel like the chasm between us grows.  Then out of the blue my friend sends me a picture and I feel more connected to you.  I let myself hope that some day we'll connect again.

I worry that by now your memory of me may be fading.  The last time I saw you was Ocober 24th of 2018.  It won't be long til that will have been two whole years.  Two years of loving you and playing with you and caring for you that we'll never get back.  I get so angry because this is so wrong and there's no justification for it.

Charlie, I love you and Jack to death and I always will.  I ache to see you both again and I hope with every fiber of my being that some how, some way we'll be in each others' lives again.

Love,
Papa