Merry Christmas Jack 'n Charlie 2024

 Hi Jack and Charlie! 

Well another Christmas is here without my two favorite boys.  My friend sent me a picture and I can't believe how tall you've gotten Jack.  And Charlie, what a cool hair do you're rocking!

We are down in San Diego with Auntie Brandi, Olive and Opal.  It's so wonderful to be able to see them and spend some time with them.  I have to admit the hole in my heart left by you two boys can never be fully healed, though.  I love Opal & Olive so much but I'm still filled with sadness and I miss you boys so very, very much.

I think about you both every single day and when I dream at night, I dream of you.  I'll never be able to fully describe how much I miss you and ache to see you.  I hope you never have to face that kind of sadness.

I can't help but wonder if either of you still remember me at all.  It's been over six years since I've seen you and I just miss you terribly.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and I love you with every fiber of my being.

Papa

Always on my mind

Hi Jack & Charlie!

As always I hope you boys are happy and healthy.  And as always I miss you so bad it hurts.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you two.  I know I've mentioned before that I have a digital photo frame on the wall in my trailer.  Every day I walk by it and most days there are pictures of you an me together.  On those days I stop and watch a few pictures go by and remember.

I think I kind of let myself hope that when I wrote that last letter to your mom that something might change in her and I might get to see you both finally.  Losing that hope has made me so sad.  I'm trying to hold onto hoping for the possibility that I could see you once you turn 18 and your mom can't keep you away from me anymore.  It's so hard though.  You may not even remember much of me now let alone in six more years.  I don't even know if I'll still be alive in six years but I'm going to try.

Nana misses you both so much and regrets so much her role in all of this.  I have long since forgiven her and we are doing well.  I think we each lean on the other at times to make it through another day.

As I've said before, my memories and recollections are all about how you both were six years ago.  I really don't know the young men you've become and I so wish I did.  The time we've lost from one another can never be recovered.  I love you both with all my  heart and I always will.

Missing you terribly,

Papa

Happy Birthday Charlie!!!

 Hi Charlie!

Well, another year has gone by already.  Today you are 10 years old.  I can only imagine what your life is like...you were only 4-1/2 the last time I saw you.  My life has a great big hole in it that just won't heal.  I miss you so much I can't even find the words to describe it.

I get an occasional picture of you from one of my friends and an odd tidbit from Olive or Auntie Brandi.  I appreciate every thing I hear or see about you but it still hurts so much.  You are missed more than you can imagine and loved even more.  No matter what, you are still my little Charlie Bear.

It's been so long since I tried to get back into your life.  I've been thinking the last few months that I'll try to write your mom another letter asking what, if anything, I can do to see you again.  I'm actually kind of afraid because I've never gotten a response from her.  Only silence.  But I miss you and Jack so much that I have to try again.

I hope you are happy and that your Birthday is the best ever!

I love you,

Papa

Happy Birthday Jack!!!

 Good Morning Jack!

You are 12 years old today.  Wow!  The last time I got to be with you, you were 6-1/2.  I miss you with every fiber of my being.  I think about you every single day and I still have dreams of you at night.  You were my first grandchild and we used to spend so much time together, just you and me.

I love you so, so, so much.  I hope you haven't forgotten about me.

I also wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Love always and forever, Papa