Charlie Bear!

 Hi Charlie!

I've been laying in bed trying to fall asleep and I just can't.  I keep reliving an afternoon at your house when we were playing upstairs.  I think Jack was either playing a video game, or absorbed in a movie or maybe he had drifted off into a short nap.

In any event, you and I were laying on a pile of pillows in your playroom.  We used to pile them up and layer them with blankets then you and Jack would jump off the couch and land in the pillow pile.  Anyway, you were playing with something...maybe a stuffed Star Wars character or something like that.  I was close to you and you asked me "Why aren't you part of my family?"  I replied that I was and asked why.  You told me that in order to be part of your family I would have to live in your house with you, and that you wanted me to live with you.

My heart totally melted then and it's totally melted every time I think about that over the years and my heart is totally melted right now.  I miss you so so so so so so much.  There are just simply no words to explain.  You and Jack were my whole world.  There's nothing I wanted other than to be with you and play with you and take care of you.  I could have lived my whole life doing nothing else.  I love you and ache for you more than I can find a way to say.  I really don't know how to live my life without you in it.

You're going to be 8 years old next month.  It hurts so much not to be a part of your life.  The thought that you might not even remember me one day soon makes me break down and cry tears of such sorrow.  I wish there was some way to bring time back to what it was then.  Maybe I could figure out what I could have done differently so that I could be with you again.

Charlie, I love you with all my heart.  I miss you with every fiber of my being.  I will never forget you and I will never stop dreaming about you when I finally do fall asleep each night.  I hope that somehow you'll remember your Papa and that somehow, some where we'll be together again.

Love, Papa