Hi Jack & Charlie!
I want so very much to be more positive when I write you. My problem is that the joy of my memories with you both often times lead me to anger, frustration and sadness that you are being kept from me.
Most all of my friends know you and know the situation your mom has put us all in. Sometimes it's brings a chuckle when I am with them and we remember you or something that you did or something that you said. It brings a flood of love in my heart. My memories of you both are absolutely my most cherished thing in the whole world. I hope someday that those wonderful, wonderful memories will stop triggering the wave of sadness that comes over me. I'm crying right now and am still amazed at how much I miss you and ache for you and love you both.
You both have been such an important and joyful part of my life since the day that each of you came into this world. I struggle so much at not having seen you for nearly two whole years. I know how you must be growing and learning. I know that if I was with you right this minute that we'd be rolling around on the floor playing and laughing and enjoying life. I can only hope that will happen again some day, but I fear that it won't. I only hope that I live long enough till you're both of the age where your mom can't keep you from me and that you can make your own choices whether to see me or not.
I think I need to start sending pictures along with my writing. Maybe it will help keep me more positive and not such a "downer" when I write!
As always, the one thing I want you both to know is that I love you with all my heart. I always have and I always will. You will NEVER be forgotten and you WILL be thought of and remembered every single day for as long as I live.
I love you Jack and I love you Charlie!
Papa
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