Power Rangers. Justice League. Scooby Doo. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Paw Patrol. Super Mario Brothers. Despicable Me. Hot Wheels. Jurassic Park Dinosaurs...especially the Dinosaurs!
You boys LOVED your fruit snacks. When you were learning to talk you called them "moon yaks"! I think more than anything you loved that Papa always had your favorites in his pockets. Sometimes my cargo shorts were filled with ten different kinds and always at least two of each so that whatever you picked, I'd have at least one for the both of you!
Some days you would ask me if I had fruit snacks before you even said "Hi" to me. Sometimes you'd stick your hands in my pockets without saying a word! Sometimes you asked if I had them even if you didn't want one right then. Sometimes you'd coyly ask if there was something in my pockets. Sometimes you'd tell me that you "heard" something in my pockets..."what was that noise in your pockets, Papa?"
Sometimes you'd want to empty out my pockets just to lay them out and see how many I had. Sometimes you'd make sure I had my pockets full before I took you to school and then again right when I picked you up from school! No matter what, by the end of the day you'd had a few packages of fruit snacks. I always had my pockets full of them, but every single time I saw you you'd ask if I had them. I think you loved that Papa was always consistent in how I treated you, cared for you and loved you. Fruit Snacks was just one of the ways I manifested that and a way that you could feel that love as a young child.
It's been over two years since your mom has let me see you, care for you and love you. The picture here is all the fruit snacks I still have in my trailer for you as of today. For the first year after she took you from my life, I still carried Fruit Snacks in my pockets when I left home. I thought that by some wonderful chance I might run into you at the store or somewhere in town. I imagined that if that happened you would run to me for a hug and inevitably ask if I had Fruit Snacks. I wanted to be prepared and not let you down by not having them in my pockets.
Over the past two years I've worn out the packaging by having them in my pockets, threw those away and loaded up with the ones I always kept at home so I wouldn't run out. I guess I'd reached a point a year ago where I had to stop keeping them in my pocket. Instead of a hopeful feeling that I might see you, I was filled with sadness. I guess now after more than two years it should be time for me to discard all these boxes of Fruit Snacks, but I can't bring myself to do that just yet.
When I took all these boxes out of the cupboards, it brought back happy memories and put a smile on my face. Unfortunately that smile gave way to tears. I miss you both so very, very much. I'll hang onto these Fruit Snacks for another year or so and see what happens. No matter whether I have these in my cupboard or not, I will always have the memories that they bring back. I hope that you still have memories of your Papa and that they are good ones. I especially worry about you Charlie because you were so young when your mom decided to keep me away. I will always remain hopeful, even though you were so young...we saw lots and lots an lots of each other and you both loved me as I love you. Maybe the memories were strong enough to survive in your hearts as you grow older. I love you Jack and I love you Charlie.
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