You're 14 years old today, Jack!

Happy Birthday, Jack

You're 14 today.  Hard to believe.  Last time I got to see you you were 6-1/2 years old.  That means I've been kept out of your life for more years than I was in your life.

Normally I should be excited for this birthday milestone.  I should be able to be up beat and happy for you, which I am in the hopes you have a great celebration.

The reality for me is that I'm more sad, despondent and depressed than I've ever been in the 68 years of my life.  As always I sound like a broken record.  I can't hardly contain myself because I miss you so much.  The hole in my heart is bigger and deeper than I can bear sometimes.

 I still dream about you and Charlie and I still cry every week that passes.  I miss you both so very much.  As time passes I find it harder and harder to stay hopeful that someday and somehow I'll get to see you again.  That hope is what keeps me going, but it just keeps getting more difficult living my life without you in it.

I do hope you have a Happy Birthday and I'm sending you every ounce of love I have to give.  You and Charlie are a huge part of my world.  I miss you and I love you dearly.

Papa